half's posterous

Question of the day

When you pass from this life into whatever lies beyond, how are you seen?
Meaning if you're disabled in this world, will you be in the next?

Discuss.

The Daily Grind: Day 3 a retrospective.

So as I was driving home today I realized that I couldn't begin to tell you who I am. Now I don't mean like who I am literally, in a literal sense I'm George. Now who is George? What does he stand for? What does he want in life? Now part of this comes from reading Doomz’ blog over at http://201020k.com/ more specifically his post on “What do YOU want to be known for” found here (http://201020k.com/the-2k11-247-xviii-what-do-you-want-to-be-kno)

            Now a year ago, what did I want to be known for was not a question I was concerning myself with in my personal life, however at work this was a MAJOR thing for me. I don’t know if any of you have taken the Gallop Poll from Strength Finders 2.0 but it’s crazy accurate in finding your top 5 “themes” after I got my top 5 I spent a lot of time looking at that and trying to figure out what I stood for in my role at the time. Which I came up with a lot of nonsense answers but never could truly tell you what I stood for, and this was troubling to me. Eventually leading to me stepping out of that position (we’ll cover this later in this post)

            Right now, I couldn’t begin to tell you what I stand for in a clear and concise manner, it could be because of all the pain killers I’ve taken as of late, but that’s just another excuse. I could blame it on a lot of things, but I’m not going to do that. I’m going to say that I can’t tell you clearly who I am because I don’t know. It’s something that I’ve struggled with for years. I’ve put up so many defenses and walls within myself and applied so many different masks, that I’ve lost who I am in these.

            I used to think that my religious beliefs described who I am as a person, I was wrong. I tried to be something that I’m truly not. Now don’t get me wrong, if you ask me I will still tell you that I’m a Christian, do I believe that Christ died for my sins? Yes. Hence Christian. Now what I don’t believe in is following the bible as written law to live my life by, I think it’s a good foundation to start with, there are great guidelines and ideas there but I’ve always been convinced that there’s something more. This is partially why I don’t attend church services.  Facts about me, I honestly don’t much care if you disagree with me, you do you.

            I used to think the people I kicked it with defined me, I was wrong. I did things I was never proud of, I don’t regret any of them, without me doing what I’ve done, I wouldn’t be who I am as a person. I would go into more detail but I don’t want to, if you really want to know ask me.

            I used to think that surviving cancer defined me, it didn’t. Wrong again. It helped to shape me as the person I am today, it made me stronger and more understanding, even at the young age I got it. No one every told me how serious a disease I had while I had it. I appreciate that now, when I originally found that out I was furious that they would keep something like that from me while I had it. I know now that they did it out of love and I’ve sense let it go and appreciate the fact they didn’t want me to know that I could die and they didn’t want me to be scared. I carry the scars I have from that time in my life proudly.

            I thought I was just that smart ass friend who always had a witty retort for just about any situation, hell I even prided myself on this fact. Then I realized that I was making myself look foolish by never being able to be serious, about anything. Everything was a joke. EVERYTHING. Then I flipped to the other extreme where I was serious about everything, that didn’t work either. I found the balance between the two and am happy with who I am now within that situation.

            Here’s who I am, I am a caring person (even if you don’t see it), I don’t wear my emotions on my sleeve, if you’ve seen me incredibly upset about something, then you’re probably one of the few people who I’ve let get close enough to see that. I have my set beliefs as to how to live my life, and I strive to be a “good” person. I will be either your best friend or your worst enemy. Friends are closer than family to me, some more than others, but that’s how family is as well. I will do anything for my inner circle of friends, I’m not kidding. I care more about those closest to me than I do myself, and sometimes to a fault.  In a nutshell that’s me, that’s who I am.

            Now on to the “what do I want to be known for?” or “what do I stand for?” I have no idea. When I figure out what it is I want to do with my life, I’ll let you know. J

Alright moving onward and upward.

Alright on to the next topic, Negativity and how it affects us on a regular basis.

As I was driving home today, I just stopped thinking about everything that was going “wrong”  I ask this seriously, not to be answered, just think about it. How bad is whatever it is that’s going on with you? I mean it. Yes bad things could be happening in your life, you could’ve just lost your job, and you could be where I’m at and not be able to stand up from so much back pain. Things happen in our lives that make them seem REALLY bad. What I mean is how bad do you really have it? Honest question. Again, don’t answer me, but just take a step back and consider this thought.

·         I have a job, I may hate it some\most days, but I have one. A good one at that, that at the end of the day I still enjoy.

·         I’m engaged to the perfect girl, I found the love of my life. Hell I’d venture to say soul mate, as much as I despise that term.

·         I have a, still, relatively new car to drive.

·         I have some of the best friends I’ve had in my entire life.

·         I have pretty close to all the electronic devices that I could want.

·         I have food to eat every day, I don’t stress about when my next meal is.

·         This is what I see driving home almost every day, weather permitting. 

·         Most importantly, I have a roof over my head.

I took a step back and took a long hard look at myself in the mirror and came to this simple conclusion, I’m going to stop whining about how bad things are, when in reality everything is just fine and I’m being a big baby about it. I have nothing in my life going bad enough that I should be upset about things as I have been as of late. Just not worth the waste of time.

            This isn’t just pertaining to me, or people around me. I mean as a Nation, we complain about so damn much, but what are we accomplishing? The news is so damn depressing; I haven’t seriously sat down and watched the news in years. All we’re accomplishing is becoming depressed and paranoid, if I wanted to be back in that state, I’d start doing drugs again. Let me give you an example, I happened to catch this as a headline on one of the local news channels while I was channel surfing. “Keyless entry a key to car burglars?” Seriously, think about this for a second, a NEWS channel is running a story on why keyless entry is an indication to a thief that they should break into your car, WHY!?!? For the love of god people, am I the only person who thinks that there are FAR more important things to report on? I could be, I don’t know. That sure as hell isn’t something that I would every give two craps about watching on the “news” all the news brings is fear, in my opinion. Feel free to prove me wrong.

            To continue making my point here, the oil spill in the gulf, as far as I can tell, lasted roughly about 3 weeks or until news coverage started to lose ratings. Whatever came of that?

            The earthquake in Haiti, maybe a full month of coverage. MAYBE. Again, I’m fairly certain from a logic stand point that the people of Haiti are still suffering from this. This was a year ago! Yet it was only covered when it had just happened, and everything was crazy terrible. Now, who knows. It’s not news. Nor is it considered newsworthy in America, unless they run an anniversary of the event. ß Don’t think that happens; look at September 11^th as a prime example.

            Maybe it’s time that we stopped and thought about things for once instead of letting the mass media tell us what to believe in. So my dear friends, I will leave you with the below thoughts for today. 

1.      Who are YOU?

2.      What do YOU stand for?

Please humor me and take a minute to stop and think about these 2 things,

1.      Is your life really THAT bad, that you can’t overcome the feeling of negativity? (Maybe it is, 99% of you, I’ll tell you to your face it’s not)

2.      What is it that is around you that is causing this, is it a person, event, the news? What is it?

Thank you all for reading this, and making it down to the bottom of this page. Follow your heart folks, that’s what it all comes down to, the only person holding you back is looking at you in the mirror.

One love.

George.

EDIT: All further postings of "Half's Daily Grind" Will be at http://halfsdailygrind.posterous.com/ 

Clearing the mental

I'm fighting these inner demons so vehemently / that I'm beginning to see that the demon is me / like Ripley's, can't believe what you see / it's not as easy az it used to be / I could could sit with a pen // in 15 minutes be free / now I'm troubled for days searching for me / searching catacombs for a way back / breadcrumbs dropped, lost way back / when I was just a young kid / it was all fun then / now I have to get others involved / my letters dissolved, alphabet has run asunder / holy father, I think I'm sinking under / I'm seeking for understanding / only finding / I'm flitting with disaster hoping to exchange diseases / fighting out of darkness starting not to believe this / I can't find hope within the darkness / starting to feel again like that same lost kid / I was years ago, my fears are home / yet I'm not, on vacation listening to jams on the ipod / my god, what life is this? / not mine, lost it like shoes on a power line / I find that sound's devine, I long for silence / internally going insane, termoil turned to violence.

Writing

So taking a page from my dear friend Case P over at http://201020k.com/ i realized that i need to start writing more frequently, for a couple reasons really,
Firstly I used to write all the time, and I mean ALL the time, I don't know what happened that caused me to start writing less, I could say life, I could say that I got into a serious relationship. I COULD say a lot of things and would be spewing bullshit excuses.
Second I litterally feel dumber since I stopped writing, I don't know whether or not there's anything of substance to that feeling but that's just how I feel.

So what does that all mean? It means I will write more, at least once a day, i will stop and just write, could be lyrics, could be me ranting, hell I could just go on about the weather for a while. We'll see.

But for now folks, that's what it is.

Catch ya on the flip side.
Half.

Needing to vent

What do anti depressants do? Other than depress more
Once prescribed their inside // now you're the drug company's best whore
You need to step back re examine and take stage left door
What do you hold your breath for?
No emotions left for
The ones who care for you, are there for you
Are scared for you
When you're stuck thinking suicide's the only option
Your playing with YOUR life, please use caution
Think about who else you're hurting, cause it's not just you
And if you believe it is, than your just another fool
Another tool -
In perpetuating a perception of the worlds creation
The "worse" you get, the more the drug companies see inflation
I could sit here and continue to debate this rediculous situation
But your "shrink" stinks, it's time to find a new one
I gave my advice, but you're stuck in your ways
I hope you realize to listen before you shorten your days

Just venting a little bit.

Damn good day

Hella good day today, slept in, went to the mall where I witnessed a crack head attempt to order Panda Express, but it was really more "I want that and that and I'll pay for it all, and that" hilarious really.

Ran into Gerbil and little Lopez that was awesome. Haven't seen them in over two years.

Watched another dumbass trying to balance a chair fall backwards and backwards summersault out of it.

Made garlic pepper chicken and white rice for dinner.

Watching NCIS:LA, after this going to the store and buying some ice cream.

Today was a good day (cue Ice Cube song here)

-George

Holiday fun in Retail.

I swear the closer Christmas gets the dumber people get, going on my 5th or 6th Christmas in retail, it’s the same trend every single year.

The people who come in at the beginning of the month are calm, collected and know what they want and are fairly well educated on it. By mid month the shut ins start coming out realizing they only have a couple more weeks to shop and should get it done. By the week before Christmas all the inbred, missing chromosome, plain retards come out. For example…

Customer: Where are all of your digital cameras?
Me: They’re right here *points to them*
Customer: So these are digital right?
Me: Yes
Customer: Are you sure?

No, no I’m not. I’m making up answers to politely shut you up in hopes that you’ll go away and leave me alone for all eternity.

*Customer looking at DIGITAL SLR’s*

Customer: I need a simple, easy to use camera for my wife
Me: So you wanted to get her an slr?
Customer: yes, she already has one
Me: Oh, how old is it
Customer: a year
Me: What brand?
Customer: Canon
Me: Well the one’s your looking at aren’t going to be much different than what she already has, have you looked at the next model up?
Customer:  No, that’s too complicated. What about these Nikons?
Me: I would recommend sticking with what she already knows so she doesn’t have to re-learn a camera system and get new lenses.
Customer: But are they easier to use?
Me: No.
Customer: I don’t think you know what you’re talking about, thank you…*walks away*
Me: *stands there dumbfounded*

No, I have NOOOOO idea what I’m doing. I only work with these 8 hours a day 5 days a week, and in my off time shoot weddings and whatnot, and have been shooting a DSLR for 4 years…nope, I have no idea what I’m talking about.

*Customer looking at DIGITAL SLR’s*

Customer: Do you know about these?
Me: Yes
Customer: Well I’m a professional photographer.
Me: Really? What camera do you have?
Customer: I don’t know the name of it
Me: Okay, well what are we looking at today?
Customer: I need a lens that’ll take good close up pictures without being blurry.
Me: Okay so you need a lens with a 1.4 or 1.8 aperture.
Customer: What does that mean?

YOU’RE a professional photographer? REALLY?!?! You have no clue as to what camera you shoot, or what aperture is but you’re a pro? Okay, you’re a pro, I’m the pope. Both are believable enough right?

*Customer looking at compact cameras* December 22nd

Customer: Do you have any more of these $89.99 cameras?
Me: Unfortunately not. We ran out of those earlier today
Customer: *freaks out* Well how come you don’t have anymore I just drove all the way here. This is so inconvenient.
Me: Did you call before you came in?
Customer: No, I shouldn’t have to do that! You should just have the cameras
Me: Sorry you feel that way, had you called we could have told you we were out of those.
Customer *stomps off in a huff*

Yes we have the $90 camera that was in the ad that came out Sunday…are you kidding me? There are 2 shopping days till Christmas, you waited too long, you didn’t call to see if we had any. No, FREAK out on me. I have about 80 of them stashed in the back just for myself, and you can’t have one.

My favorite one though…

Customer: I’m looking for this Wacom Tablet.
Me: well it looks like I’m out of them, let me go check
*I go and look it up*
Me: I am most definitely out of them and so are all my stores in the area
Customer: Are you sure?
Me: Yes.
Customer: Well can you check the back?
Me: No, we don’t have any. I can show you my inventory system
Customer: Well, will you just go check in the back
Me: No, I don’t have any here
Customer: Are you sure?
Me: Yes, I am 100% certain there are none in this building, or any in Oregon, Washington, and Alaska
Customer: You’re sure there aren’t any in the back?
Me: Yes
Customer: *stands there and stares blankly at me*
Me: Anything else I can do for you?
Customer: You could go check the back
Me: *speaking very slowly and exaggerated* There aren’t any in the back *walk away*

Yes lady, There all in the back being made in our own little sweatshop, wait here while I go back there and tell the children slaving away over the electronics that they don’t get to eat until I get your Wacom tablet. I don’t understand why customers don’t understand the fact there is no mystical magical place in the back where midgets shit out they’re product while they wait. I can’t go in “the back” and wish upon our genies lamp that your product miraculously becomes available.

I can’t wait to see what the next 2 days have in store for me.

Until later times, remember Always be nice to your sales associate…we have access to the internets to make fun of you =)

--- George